Why college was AWESOME and homemaking is HARD (but still awesome).

I was thinking the other day about how much I loved college... It was one of the best times of my life! Why was it so amazing?

Well... I got to go to SCHOOL, which I loved. I loved to read anything I could get my hands on, to write various genres and submit my writings at festivals and writing competitions. I loved doing research, writing papers, taking notes about lectures, studying for and taking tests (yes, I said I loved taking tests!). My brother (who is one of my best friends) was at college with me. I was able to have a close-nit group of girl friends for the first (and only to date) time of my life. I met my husband at school. I didn't have to do housework at school.

I loved school because I got to spend 4 years being as SELFISH as I could be.

I was the only one I had to think about. The cafeteria ladies did all the kitchen work for me. I just showed up to eat. No one woke me up in the night or early in the morning. I didn't have to clean up after anyone but myself. I chose what to do, when to do it, and how to do it.

I got to be selfish.

Fast forward about 3 years after graduation... I had stopped going to graduate school (couldn't afford it any longer) and I was no longer working outside the home. I also had two children. My husband worked 45 minutes away from home, and I was STUCK at home with two kids ALL DAY LONG. 

I had no idea what I was doing. 

Sure, I had been taught individual tasks. I knew how to clean a toilet, how to cook a meal, how to change a diaper. But I had never been taught how to pull it all together and how to manage a home. 

I started my research by buying the book Managers of Their Homes, which you can find HERE. I learned how helpful having a schedule can be, and strategies to implement a schedule. 

However, that schedule fell apart once I became pregnant with #3 and couldn't stick to the schedule due to morning sickness and another host of symptoms that make me feel ill to remember. 

I found another resource: Large Family Logistics, which you can find HERE. This book also gave me strategies to cope. I learned about having routines and rhythms in my day rather than scheduling such and such from this time to that... I learned that I need to filter through all the ideas I read about and tweak them to fit MY family and MY family's needs. No one else's schedule is going to work for me. 

But then I hit another wall. I might have the perfect schedule/routine/rhythm, but it's all for naught if I don't stick to the schedule. I was also dealing with anger. I yelled at my kids, and I yelled a lot, because it was THEIR FAULT I couldn't get anything done. I was lonely. I didn't know how to cope without plenty of "me time." 

I was missing the HEART of home management. 

I needed to learn one thing: Unselfishness. 

But I don't know how to be unselfish. 

I've had to learn that my time is not my own. I have a job to do. My job is hard work. I have to be unselfish all the time. I have to act loving toward my family even when the schedule is interrupted. I have to stay on task even when the computer's glowing face invites me over to play. 

When I've just spent an hour organizing toys and then folding a load of clothes before lunch and I find the kids have dumped out all the toys I've just organized, I have to take a big breath and smile and say, "let's clean up the toys!"

When I'm exhausted and my husband comes home from work exhausted and the kids are getting up in the night and I just want to cry, I have to get up and be unselfish. 

When I just want to be alone and wish I could have a few minutes to myself to read, to write, to think and the kids are all over me... I have to be unselfish and show my kids some love. 

I have to:

-Stay on schedule as much as possible (i.e. stop wasting time!)

-Work hard

-Work with a good attitude

-Show love to my kids even when the schedule falls apart, even when I'm tired, even when I've wasted my day. 

-Invite my kids to join me so that they can learn a good work ethic.

These things are hard to do if you're selfish like me. 

But, as I've already alluded to above: Unselfishness = Love. 

Or: Love = Unselfishness. Whichever you prefer. 

What are you struggling with? Is your schedule falling apart? Do you struggle with wasting time? Are you angry all the time?  Maybe it's not your husband's fault or your kids' fault. 

Maybe you are struggling with selfishness. 

Pray about it... practice unselfishness and love today! (Side effects from practicing unselfishness include, but are not limited to the following: a growth in patience, peace in your heart, a cleaner house, a happier husband, calmer children, a joyful heart.)

Here are a few of my favorite verses that touch on this:

"...urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands,so that no one will malign the word of God." Titus 2:4-5

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." Colossians 3:23-24